Letter 5

Mom,

A month has come and gone and I am continuing to hang in there. Living at home is still going pretty well. I am glad I am here and I am glad that I am able to help around the house. I continue to believe that moving up here to work at Northside was completely the right decision. You were right when you said we would be alright because we have each other, but we will never be whole again. I keep thinking about everything that you will miss out on, but in reality I think I am saddened because it is really what WE will be missing out on now that you arent here to experience it with us.

We have continued to receive support from various neighbors and friends. They have been so good to us. They know that you would have returned that favor and more if they were going through this situation instead of us. You still continue to spread your love and generosity through these individuals and I am so grateful for their kindness.

I have started to become much more stable and rarely have outbursts of tears, but I still feel the pain and it comes in waves. It is not that I don't want to cry, but the tears just wont come anymore...

I have learned more about Dad in these past few years than my whole life put together. I know now why you fell in love with him so many years ago. He was absolutely devoted to you and took care of you the best he possibly could. He is smart in so many aspects of his life; book smart, financially smart, house smart, handyman smart, rationally smart. The one thing I never fully saw before was his heart, though. As you know, he isnt the best with showing, dealing, or expressing his emotions. I never fully understood this part of him until you got sick. You had him wrapped around your finger and he loved you so much. There are so many ups and downs of marriage and it takes a lot of effort and patience to make one work. You 2 were such a great example for us and I am so thankful that I grew up around a solid foundation. You were a great mom.

I missed you yesterday, I miss you today, and I will miss you tomorrow. You learn to deal with the pain as time goes on, but the pain never goes away.

I will love you forever,

Stacey