Letter 3

Hey Mom,

This weekend was a little better than some other weekends. I have been surrounded by some great people who have really reached out to me. I had lunch with 3 different friends this weekend who help get my mind of the bad things and back on the good things. I actually love talking to them about you sometimes. They have some good and funny memories of you, which make me miss you like crazy but put a smile on my face at the same time. I still every once in a while think about how it would be if you just walked through the door and came down the stairs. I play it out in my head and it is such an amazing feeling for those few seconds before I realize that I am just being crazy again. I try not to think of things like that because it makes me 10x sadder when I realize that a scenerio like that will never happen and I need to stop fooling myself.

Eli is getting big. He is such a bundle of joy and I know how much you would love him right now and how you would cuddle, tickle, and play with him. Crystal is a really good mom, but I know you knew that from day 1. She misses you alot and I know she feels like she has lost a best friend and mom. I admire her strength, though, because she gets herself to snap out of it and remember to keep living life. It is hard sometimes to live life knowing you are not here, but life is going to keep going if we decide to be a part of it or not. I then think about what you would be saying down from heaven right now. I know that you would say the same think and want to see us keep going and find peace. Honestly, that is why I have put so much effort into it, because I know it is what you would have wanted.

I still worry for Dad at times. He seems to be going in the right direction but he just isn't normal without you here. He is putting up his best fight but I can see that it defeats him some days, which is expected. He is having a hard time finding a life without you in it; he doesn't know how to find it because his whole life has been with you pratically. We will continue to follow and help him as much as possible. I know that God is walking with him but I hope that He is putting a little extra effort in Dad right now because he needs it. He misses you.... we all miss you...

I hold on to knowing that I will see you again one day.

I will love you forever,

Stacey